The Everlasting Acrimony Next Door.

There's a devastating reality in cultures all over this wonderful, immense world and in all its history that is so tired, so frustrating, so sickening, yet so constant and prevalent that I could just scream whilst simultaneously scooping my eyes out with a buttered melon-baller: The seemingly intrinsic acrimony between women.

I've never had a sister, so I've never experienced the brand of callous, catty, competitive, manipulative, unspoken but quite rampant combat that often takes place between girls growing up together (based entirely on what I've witnessed by having friends who did grow up with a sister or three). That's certainly not to say I haven't had such attitudes foisted upon me by other girls and grown women who have entered - and, generally, subsequently, and with astonishing ease, floated out and away from - my life. And, as women, we're always expected to take part, even if we're pulled into it through no want or fault of our own. There must be something wrong with us if we don't want to undercut another woman and assert ourselves as "better" than she is in some way; as thinner, or more beautiful, or more successful, or more apt to land a boyfriend, or in possession of the most expensive things, or possess the ability to garner male attention with the most ease, and my list could go on and on from there. Women are supposed to behave that way toward other women; to be jealous, and spiteful, and manipulative, and catty. But why?

Has anyone ever asked why?

The obvious answer would be this: We live in a society where treating women badly, and as "less than," is not only common, but acceptable. There aren't many people who think twice about doing it, and there are a lot of people who claim to be feminists, or who claim to love women, and they are just as guilty of falling into the same mentalities and negative patterns as everybody else.

Modern women in cultures (other than Western culture) around the world have such a stronger sense of unity than American/Western women do. They're used to being beaten, raped, mutilated, and controlled by the men in their lives. And they stick together because of it; they help each other, and take care of each other, and stand up for each other, and protect each other, without so much as asking for anything in return. There's a sense of sisterhood, a sense of community, harmony, and an unbreakable bond between them that women in America could only dream of having with other women; and we should be dreaming of it. We should be trying to achieve it, and striving for it, with the other women in our lives. In this country, women don't seem to like each other much. In our culture, if people see two women who are close, and loving, and friendly, and supportive, and non-competitive in nature, and giving, and protective, and sincere, who care about each other to the fullest extent, their first thought is that these women are lesbians. Because two women can't possibly love each other unconditionally without some sort of sexual or romantic involvement, right? That's practically unheard of in this corner of the world.

It's difficult for women who have always been under the influence of society's shit-ass thumb to understand and confront the insidious nature of the acriomony many of us continue to perpetuate in our own personal relationships with other women. Harboring jealousy, competitiveness, paranoia, and cattiness toward each other is something we learn and are socialized with; not something that is inborn. But it seems that way, because we're constantly coerced and goaded into such behavior, whether it be from men, from other women, or from society and the media as a collective.

It's easy for me to look at other women in this culture, and in this day in age, and wonder if these women have ever heard of self-esteem. Think about how all the women you know, and how many of those women like themselves just the way they are, warts 'n all. Now, I'll bet if you round up every woman you know, that number of women who like themselves the way they are will fall somewhere in the point-five percentile.

I think that's probably the biggest problem here.

Women seemingly project the things they don't like about themselves and their lives onto other women on a perpetual and continuous basis. Figuring out what we don't like about ourselves always seems to work on such a grand scale. We don't like our bodies, because we're told that beauty lies in a size two pants size. That curvy women are only sexy and beautiful and acceptable if they're curvy in all the "right" places. Our faces always need to be lifted; our wrinkles gone. We need makeup and cold creams to cover up our perceived imperfections. We need to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to a surgeon to mutilate us, of our own free will, in the pursuit of achieving some impossible standard of airbrushed beauty.

So we judge each other, and hurt each other, and gossip about each other, and make catty remarks toward each other, and constantly degrade ourselves and insult each other by harboring so much unnecessary hate.

Has anyone ever considered that hating another woman (or any human being, for that matter) is about as productive as hating yourself?

It all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, ALL stems from an innate patriarchal fear and hatred of women; of the power we could gain if we were allotted the opportunity to love each other. To stop declaring war on each other, and hating each other, and to find it in ourselves to form that special bond and sisterhood we are so capable of having, if we'd only try. If we'd stop allowing men and society to influence our feelings about ourselves and each other. If we could look at another woman and appreciate her, rather than tearing her down to shreds for what she has, and what she's done. If we could live our lives the way we'd like to live them, and look in the mirror right after a shower, bare and natural, and say, "Yes, I'm a woman, and yes, I am beautiful just this way, and yes, I am strong and vital, and no, I'm not going to let anyone tell me otherwise."

If everyone could do that, we may just be able to end this war for good.