The "Sex For One" Study Next Door.

Oh, blog. It has certainly been a while.

Today, I'd like to briefly discuss pro-sex feminism, and a study I would like to conduct related to it, which I would eventually like to compile into a non-fiction book, with my own thoughts and opinions on the matter, as well as the opinions and thoughts of other pro-sex feminists.

But I'm jumping the gun a little, here.

A little background.

Second-wave feminism was very anti-sex, and that leg of the movement is somewhat responsible for the labeling of modern feminists as prudes today, but the simple fact of the matter is that this couldn't be further from the truth. I know there are still feminists today who are very anti-sex, anti-prostitution, and anti-pornography, but I do believe that the pro-sex feminist movement is much, much more prevalent today than the anti-sex one is. I have every reason to believe that anti-sex "feminism" is slowly dying off. I foresee a more in-depth blog in the future about sex-positive feminism soon. For now, I'll just say a few things.

I consider myself a pro-sex/sex-positive feminist. After I came to terms with being raped this year, I will admit that my personal attitudes toward sex have changed a lot (I have no interest in engaging in casual sex, for instance). My overall opinions on the ways in which people conduct their sex lives, however, have not. In a nutshell, it's this - stop judging people based on what they do in bed. It's none of your concern. If you don't like the idea of casual sex, that's great - for you. But if another woman DOES engage in casual sex, you have no right to call her a slut, or judge her for being promiscuous, or paint her as a bad person, while painting yourself as a good person for not taking that route. People are people. They're going to do what they're going to do, and they are entitled to live their lives the way they see fit. A woman should never be judged, called names, branded as a slut, or otherwise demonized for having her own set of sexual priorities. And don't even get me started on sex-workers and porn. That's definitely, deeeeefinitely another blog.

That said, the study I want to conduct isn't about sex, per se, but, rather, human masturbation habits.

We live in a world where masturbation is still incredibly taboo, and, honestly, I fail to see why that is. Well, actually, I know exactly why that is: It's long been demonized by religion and its rigid moral codes. Masturbation is one of the first things most people do sexually, and as soon as we begin to figure out what it is, it turns into a source of shame, because we're told how wrong, or immoral, or evil, or disgusting it is. Then, we get embarrassed to talk about it. We stop embracing it. We feel humiliated when it comes up. Yet we ALL do it, or have done it, at one point or another. I doubt there's any one person who has never done it, or never will.

Besides being the ultimate safe sex, it's incredibly healthy to masturbate. It teaches you how to be more in-tune with your body, your sexual likes and dislikes, what feels good, what doesn't feel good, techniques you like, techniques you don't like, and a long list of other things. Not to mention, it's a wonderful, natural stress reliever - all that icky stuff and stress and tension is released when we have an orgasm, which is why we sometimes feel a lot lighter and happier after we do.

I want to interview people from all walks of life for this. I want to talk to people of all ages (no one under the legal age of consent, though - not willing to get arrested in the pursuit of satisfying my curiosities), all racial backgrounds, all religious affiliations, all gender-identities, all sexual orientations, and people of both monogamous and poly lifestyles, even all nationalities, if I can find people of other nationalities in America, among other differing attributes. I want to ask about techniques used, duration, frequency (once a day, twice a week, once a month, etc.), and my boyfriend brought up a valid point about circumcision, too, which I thought was fabulous, as I know it can affect technique (I'd also love to have a conversation with anyone who has fallen victim to female circumcision, actually, because I'm insanely curious as to how it can affect one's sex life, but especially masturbation technique, in the interest of the study). Which also makes me question whether or not I should ask women if they have vaginal orgasms, clitoral orgasms, both, or none at all. (Which is a such a crime!)

The idea was spawned from a conversation I was having with my girlfriend about differing masturbation habits among the people we've known. I've known women who have used toothpaste, electrical toothbrushes, hairbrushes, broom handles, even scissor handles (!), along with the vast array of sex toys available in sex shops, among many other techniques that I'm probably not even remembering. I've known men who have progressed to the point of gripping so tightly during masturbation that they can't have an orgasm during actual sex, who would lie face-down and knuckle their shafts, who have also used toys and prostate stimulation, and various other techniques, as well.

I'd be more than willing to share my masturbation habits with anyone who is uncomfortable talking about it, because I don't feel ashamed of doing it. I don't think ANYONE should feel ashamed of doing it. I even think it's sad that people DO still feel ashamed of doing it. I think it's criminal that there are people who are so ashamed of doing it, that they don't do it. Why is it that most of us can do it, but we're supposed to feel ashamed of talking about it? We all eat, too, but no one is ashamed of talking about this new recipe they just whipped up, or this awesome restaurant they went to last Friday, or their favorite show on the Food Network, or this incredible cake they just wolfed down not ten minutes ago.

I really want to conduct the study of various human masturbation habits in the interest of science. It's not meant to be dirty, or crude, or voyeuristic, or perverted. The point of this is not to make anyone feel embarrassed, or that their privacy is being invaded. I'll be more than willing to let people remain anonymous if they wish. I expect to get cursed at, yelled at, and I expect people to refuse to talk about it. But the point of this is to engage conversation about it, and prompt further discussion. To test social- and religious-boundaries. To break the taboo. To cast away the stigma. To put an end to the shame we're all conditioned to feel about it. To embrace, and love, self-love.

If anyone out there is interested in participating, please feel free to contact me and let me know. Or, if you're a pro-sex/sex-positive feminist and would like to contribute your thoughts (with full credit, of course), or if you have any questions about pro-sex feminism, masturbation, or anything else related to any of these subjects I've covered, you can email me at RavenByDay@aol.com.